we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
