K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
