gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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