Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
