My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
