Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
