Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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