she woke up with a sticky ear
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
