You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
