My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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