PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
