it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
