i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
