I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
