dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
