Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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