remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
