Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
