imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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