I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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