You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
