WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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