I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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