I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
