Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
