i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
