dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
