Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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