writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
