"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
