I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize