my sisters under your porch take her home
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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