One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was confusing and full of hummus
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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