That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
