my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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