I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
