Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
