Yo dont text me then not text me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
