Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize