I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
