eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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