Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
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ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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