Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have aggressive nipples.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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