I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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