There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
