do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
