i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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