smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
