I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
