bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
