So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
