he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
