2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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