You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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