My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
