i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
well I can't set my house on fire every night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
