I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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