hotel room ftw
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
