Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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