Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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