if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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