I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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