twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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