oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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