I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
