I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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