Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
