I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I want to fling myself into the sun
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
