Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
