She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Drunk is a universal language darling
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
