dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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