i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
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Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
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You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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