I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
