Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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