I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
