didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
