quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
