So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My ATM looks so different sober.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
