i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
