your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
