Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Randomize
