I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
